Fucking piss shit bloody fuck-poo

I just ruined my great joy for myself.
I let meself in.
My troublesome self who loves nothing about himself.
The part of me who hate me and thinks I am a disgusting, fat, cowardly disgrace of a human being.
I want that part of Kyle to go away. He has done enough harm already. I was so afraid to fall back in, and I might have.

It's mostly about my hips. My repulsively curvy fat hips. There is absolutely nothing wrong with curvy hips. On other people. But as someone who defies as male, they are awful. I feel like I just want to claw them off. I ofter scratch them violently as if I hope they will dissapear from it. I have felt alot better about myself after the cest surgery, but knowing that not even surgery can fix this makes me feel horrible. I cannot escape my disgusting hips and huge arse and fat belly. But I really wish I could. I could die for an androgynous bodytype. But I am stuck in a blob of fat and a femeninity I am not in any way comfortable with.

If there is a way to fix my hips, tell me.
Please? I cannot do this anymore.